Rilke

A couple of years ago, I retranslated for my own personal meditation, some of Rilke’s letters to Franz Xaver Kappus. As I was revising my talk for an upcoming Center for Action and Contemplation gathering, I realized that I’d like to share from these on my blog here. You may enjoy to meditate on them too, in a bilingual way.

Living the questions now has been since my twenties a large part of my imaginal world. I have been meditating my whole life, with increasing frequency and intentionality. Isn’t that simply what it means to be human? In my experience, living the questions now and pray without ceasing can be synonymous. And we see below that Rilke also says we may gradually, eventually live the answer, or embody love. Which reminds me that Anonymous writes in the Cloud of Unknowing that contemplation is love and is healing myself and others and also stirs my heart to love myself and others.

May our pausing to be still and to taste the peace we already are in our hearts bring you and me to compassionate living in our chaotic and hurting world.

You are so young, your life just beginning. I wish to ask you, best I can, dear friend, have patience with everything unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like closed rooms and like books written in a very strange language.

Don’t search for the answers now. They can’t be given to you, because you wouldn’t be able to live them. And living everything is the point. Live the questions now. Perhaps gradually, without knowing it, some day in the future you’ll live the answer. Perhaps you have the power within you to see and shape a very sacred and simple way of life.

Study and train for that. But whatever comes, accept it with great confidence, and if it comes from your own True Self, from some need of your inner being, accept it as who you are. And hate nothing.

Sie sind so jung, so vor allem Anfang, und ich möchte Sie, so gut ich es kann, bitten, lieber Herr, Geduld zu haben gegen alles Ungelöste in Ihrem Herzen und zu versuchen, die Fragen selbst liebzuhaben wie verschlossene Stuben und wie Bücher, die in einer sehr fremden Sprache geschrieben sind.

Forschen Sie jetzt nicht nach den Antworten, die Ihnen nicht gegeben werden können, weil Sie sie nicht leben könnten. Und es handelt sich darum alles zu leben. Leben Sie jetzt die Fragen. Vielleicht leben Sie dann allmählich, ohne es zu merken, eines fernen Tages in die Antwort hinein. Vielleicht tragen Sie ja in sich die Möglichkeit zu bilden und zu formen, als eine besonders selige und reine Art des Lebens[.]

[E]rziehen Sie sich dazu, – aber nehmen Sie das was kommt in großem Vertrauen hin und wenn es nur aus Ihrem Willen kommt, aus irgendeiner Not Ihres Innern, so nehmen Sie es auf sich und hassen Sie nichts.

Translated by Carmen Acevedo Butcher, from Rainer Maria Rilke. Briefe an einen Jungen Dichter: Mit den Briefen von Franz Xaver Kappus, Wallstein Verlag, 2021, p. 32. Hg. und mit Kommentar und Nachwort von Erich Unglaub.

Fog

When a reader says your book helped them or thank you for your book, words can’t be found to say how wonderful that is. Today an email came from a reader about my translation of the Cloud of Unknowing by Anonymous. It moved me deeply. I have anonymized this kind email, and I’d like to share it and my response here on my blog. The reader is referencing the fourteenth-century spiritual classic on prayer as written by an experienced contemplative, perhaps a Carthusian monk or a priest, and that I translated for Shambhala Publications. For more information please see my website here: https://www.carmenbutcher.com/books.html

Dear Carmen,

having read several translations of this wonderful book I keep coming back to your version.
It speaks to me the most.

During my studies of English I had to follow a course of Middle English. Of course, as a young student, I did not understand why I should be bothered with this.We students saw it as additional chicanery to reduce the high number of students. But I quickly realized that reading Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales in its original version was quite different from reading its rendering in modern English.

When I came across The Cloud of Unknowing for the first time – it was Ravi Ravindra who quoted from it in his webinars – I bought the William Johnston edition of it. Then I read Evelyn Underhill’s rendition. But when I got your translation of it I was suddenly touched in a quite different way. The text spoke more to my heart than to my brain while reading.

So I decided to get the original in the Phyllis Hodgson edition. And now I know why I had to do Middle English as part of my studies. Reading this wonderful text in the words of its author is a completely different experience. There might be words where the meaning is not clear or different in modern English. That’s where modern translations help. But what really makes the difference: it’s a SLOW reading which takes you much deeper into the text.

Being a seeker on the spiritual path I enjoy this text as soul-food. With each reading some concepts become clearer. Yet I still do not know if I have really understood what contemplation is … even after all these readings. I’ve been practicing going into stillness, letting all inner talk coming to a halt for some time, just focussing on God, Love, Light. But I’m still not sure whether this is meditation or contemplation. I need some more clarity there. But as long as there are still more questions than answers I suppose I’m on the right way.

Thank you for this wonderful translation of this spiritual classic. . . .

Best wishes,

My response:

Dear ,

Thank you for your kind and thoughtful email. It is wise and speaks to what I hoped and prayed for my translation of the Cloud. I’m delighted you decided to share this with me. Thank you! 

Until fairly recently, I spent most of my time in a fog of mystery about this text. It generated more obscurities than anything I know, like the purple fog coming out from around the hills nearby and blanketing the water, and these were not discrete rational questions but more a kind and gentle atmosphere of letting go that is questioning’s openness and humility, a true cloud of unknowing. 

I would be bemused when someone asked me to speak about the Cloud, as I myself wasn’t sure what it was about, not really, not its essence. This was true, even as I was someone practicing meditation daily, in both ways of which I was aware and unaware then, and even as someone who has practiced diverse types of meditation for decades. I see now I was living in this life-nourishing fog that resembles the low-suspended clouds Bay Area residents are so grateful for. At the time, I was hesitant to mention this uncertainty aloud, as I suspected it could be heard as my not knowing some information about the text, like say where it was written, etc., which of course was not the case since I have spent untold hours studying it academically. 

This was most perplexing, and I see now how I had protected myself, I thought, by growing my mind as a kind of carapace between me and my pain. And this gentle fog was active in, as the actual fog does here, cooling off my mind and greening it like our hills here in spring. I often say that I translated the Cloud as it translated me, and this is true. My whole life has been one of living my childhood question, How can I pray without ceasing? In this journey, the Cloud stands as the text that most healed and heals my understanding as it increases the kind mystery. Perhaps that is because of when I translated it, my age, needs, and life circumstances then, but also it is because of its bedrock presentation of the loving mystery loving us all. It is “soul-food,” as you say. Anonymous’ rhetoric, teacherly kindness, and encouragement are wonderful invitations to enter the text and slow down and steep in the mystery.

I appreciate that you point out, “it’s a SLOW reading which takes you much deeper into the text.” I grew to understand as I gave talks, led workshops, and responded to attendees’ questions, that whenever consternation about the Cloud was present, it was most often coming from the split mind of dualism we all share and would be helped by more time in contemplation. It seems that my need to understand grows less as my feeling of being loved grows more.

Your very kind email, as you can see, has occasioned a lengthy response, and again I am grateful for your wise words and wish you the great joy of the Cloud. . . .

Best,

Carmen

Everything Belongs

This blog’s title is taken from the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) podcast, Everything Belongs. It comes, as Corey Wayne says in his classic outro, “from the high desert of New Mexico,” and signs off always wishing everyone “peace and every good.”

Behind this amazing podcast, in addition to Corey, are Mike Petro, Paul Swanson, Jenna Kuyper, Izzy Spitz, Megan Hare, Sarah Palmer, Barb Lopez, Brandon Strange. You can find it on your favorite platform: https://cac.org/podcast/everything-belongs-podcast/ More on Everything Belongs in a moment.

Recently I was talking with a friend about life’s changes. She is in a distinct liminal period, and we were discussing how a liminal time (her metaphor) is a bit like being in an airplane. You get twitchy, it’s cramped, you’re never going to land, and there’s a baby who needs a diaper change beside you.

Since, as our Buddhist friends and other wise souls remind us, life is impermanent, my friend’s airplane-journey metaphor is helpful. While we are in the middle of making progress (or even are lucky to be in the middle of breathing), it rarely looks like anything is happening, since change’s inevitability can be surprisingly subtle.

Take for example the very bad haircut I got as a pre-teen. Let me back up. I asked for this pixie haircut. It wasn’t even a bad haircut, if I’m honest. I had entered the shop wanting this haircut badly. Until those first snip-snips to my long dark brown hair. Which didn’t curl then, curls didn’t appear until my late twenties. So these snips dropped long unreattachable straight locks onto the salon floor as tears began dropping from my dark brown eyes and rolling unbidden and unstoppable down my silently reddening cheeks.

The tender-hearted middle-aged hairstylist got out her mirror and showed me how beautiful it looked. She cooed her reassurance. But I immediately began growing it back out as soon as the haircut was over and we walked out into summer’s broiling, pixie-haircut-frizzing humidity.

And all the pink hair set tape in the world couldn’t put humpty dumpty back together again. I spent many angst-ridden hours before the large round wall mirror in the bedroom my twin sisters and I shared, trying to tape my unruly hair into submission and beauty.

My mother was unflaggingly supportive. “It looks beautiful!” She repeated this in a variety of ways throughout the countless, endless in-between days.

Some many months later, one morning my mother looked at me, looked again, and said, “Your hair is beginning to look good again.”

I took immediate teenaged offence. In spite of not having believed her repeated reassurances of “It looks beautiful,” these were a requirement in my mental diet, and as soon as she spoke the truth, meaning, “Your hair is beginning to look like you want it to again, long as before,” I was like, “But you said you liked it short.”

“Well, I did like the pixie cut, but I knew you didn’t.”

What I most remember is that while my hair was growing back out, every day I checked its progress, and taped it pinkly to my head at night in hopes that it would do what I wanted it to, which was, be longer now, an impossibility. It would never seem any longer, when I was checking it on a daily basis.

But one day, it had grown enough where my mother noticed.

This seems like an apt metaphor for those times where we are wanting to grow or change within or heal or want our outer circumstances to be different and are impatient.

It’s also something we all experience, since no one alive ever arrives. We are all on journeys, and as Ram Dass says, walking each other home.

As part of my journey of embracing bringing my gently loved if anxious banjo into conversations, I share here a few of these, with gratitude to the communities who’ve invited me to join in the music-making.

First I am happy to share this episode of Everything Belongs with thanks to Richard Rohr and the CAC, Corey Wayne, Michael Petrow, and Paul Swanson! They are such wonderful conversation partners.

Listen: https://tinyurl.com/050124CAC

Transcript: https://tinyurl.com/S1E9EBCAC

Then, thanks to my dear friend Carl McColman, who had the idea of introducing me to his friends at the Theosophical Society, I am giving a presentation on the Cloud of Unknowing for their YouTube channel @TheosophicalSociety (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h_IaSO4lQEU).

Next I want to share this. I was invited into an unspiraling conversation by Contemplative Outreach Atlanta and Chicago in April. You can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYZoW2XlYp8

One of my most-cherished conversations was with Christine Valters Paintner and Claudia Love Mair for the Lift Every Voice: Contemplative Writers of Color sponsored by the Abbey of the Arts, here in audio and video: https://abbeyofthearts.com/lift-every-voice/practice-of-the-presence-a-revolutionary-translation-by-carmen-acevedo-butcher/

I am grateful for these communities and more for their kindness.

May we all embrace what is, as the Gospel of Thomas says, and so have more freedom from pink tape in our lives.

Love, Carmen

Eclipse

Ancestors of eclipse, the word, intimate a feeling of abandonment. That has captured my imagination today on #eclipse day.

At heart, eclipse is a sorrowful kind of word, rooted in “absence.” Its Ancient Greek forefather ἔκλειψις / ékleipsis means “forsake.” Even older, the Proto-Indo-European root *leikw- for “leave” hides in eclipse. This *leikw- combines with ex- and creates “leave out, fail to appear, abandon.” Eclipse.

As if the sun could abandon us.

Wait. Have you read Brian McLaren’s Life After Doom? Bill McKibben’s The End of Nature? Jeanine M. Canty’s Returning the Self to Nature?

Eclipse is a word expressing relationship among us and nature, sun, moon, all creatures. How much we love the sun, though it’s easy to forget when life is mediated by our screens.

The charlock mustard that I noticed in the marsh early today is as yellow as and as dependent on the sun as are we all, including the various small white butterflies’ larvae who feed on the mustard plant.

“Do you think there is anything not attached by its unbreakable cord to everything else?” Mary Oliver keeps asking. That’s from one of her essays included in Parabola, Spring 2022.

An eclipse is a poignant reminder of our interconnectedness.

Indra’s Net comes to mind. It originated in Hinduism and the deva Indra who’s associated with rain and storms, and then Buddhism took it in. It’s this beautiful infinite net hung with a single sparkling jewel at every point of connection, so there are infinite jewels. If we could look at just one of these star-bright jewels up close, we would see reflected there all of the other jewels in the net, infinite in number, and so on, as we went from jewel to jewel. It is a wonderful image of infinitely repeating interconnectedness among all creatures and creations in the cosmos.

I’d like to make a call to enter into a more mindful relationship with words, too. Anyone can explore words at etymonline.com/. It’s free and based on reliable sources.

As a pre-teen suffering from undiagnosed dyslexia, I kept failing Reader’s Digest vocabulary quizzes. I began looking up words’ roots. Knowing these helped words stay more still on the page, made reading less impossible. Pretty much daily I’m thankful to have had an early and unquenchable desire to read even when I couldn’t.

Word histories sometimes scare people because they’re called etymologies. But etymology itself has an etymology. Etymon means “true.” And while words’ definitions change (YAY!), knowing a word’s first roots is a lot like viewing the baby pictures of someone you love. You can’t get enough of how they looked when they couldn’t even talk yet and when there’s a photo of them with red spaghetti sauce smeared all over their baby face.

I say “YAY!” because words’ definitions change because humans change. That we and language are capable of change gives me grounds for hope.

Etymologies are also words’ ancestors. Once you start exploring them, you start seeing how many words are relatives of each other. Indra’s Net again. You just have to pause and make a habit of looking up words in etymonline.com/. Soon it will be a bit like eating potato chips, except healthier. One more word.

Look and see how eclipse has so many siblings. To name a few, it would hold family reunions with: delinquent, derelict, eleven, loan, relic, relinquish, reliquiae, and twelve. The Proto-Indo-European root *leikw- for “leave” or “left” forms all or part of delinquent: leave completely/(de-); derelict: leave back/(re-) completely/(de-); eleven: one left (over 10); loan: left with someone “as promise of future return”; relic: left back or behind/(re-); relinquish: leave behind/(re-); reliquiae: leave back or behind/(re-); and twelve: two left (over 10). They’re all to do with “leaving” or being “left”! It’s beginning to sound like a country song.

Searching further in the Cosmic Baby Book for Words, aka the Oxford English Dictionary (OED), we read this etymology for eclipse: “Old French eclipse, esclipse, < Latin eclīpsis, Greek ἔκλειψις, noun of action < ἐκλείπειν to be eclipsed, literally to forsake its accustomed place, fail to appear.” The ἐκλείπω / ekleípō is “I abandon, I go missing, I vanish,” from ἐκ / ek “out” and λείπω / leípō “I leave behind.”

When I learned today that eclipse has French roots from the twelfth century CE, I wondered: How might someone have felt around that time when an eclipse happened? Probably not unlike diverse people do today. One article of a zillion is here.

NASA notes that there were 250 solar eclipses during the 1100’s CE. That NASA has a FREE Five Millennium Catalog of Solar Eclipses overjoys the nerd in me. More here. The longest annular solar eclipse happened on January 16, 1116 CE, and the longest total solar eclipse occurred on July 11 that very same year, 1116 CE. The first one lasted 10 minutes and 27 seconds, and the summer one was 6 minutes and 46 seconds of eclipse.

Let’s imagine. Without a cell phone / smart phone constantly in hand, did a European in 1116 CE have an edge on interconnectedness with nature? We do have more screens between us and nature now.

But wait. Feudalism and manorialism were flourishing then, so likely I and many more would’ve been part of the 80-90% of serfs holding sickles instead, which it can be argued is where the plutocracy wants to return the world.

In fact, Matthew Desmond’s Poverty, By America asks, “Why is there so much poverty in America?” Or, as theologian Walter Brueggemann’s work argues, Why isn’t this poverty and America’s systemic inequity the central questions of Christianity? Desmond shows “how some lives are made small so that others may grow” in the U.S., and his argument challenges us to become “poverty abolitionists.”

Resolving our divorce from nature seems central.

Philosopher Bayo Akomolafe points out how the “highly venerated Oxford English Dictionary” defines nature as “[t]he phenomena of the physical world collectively; esp. plants, animals, and other features and products of the earth itself, as opposed to humans.”

For emphasis, he repeats the unhealthy binary in this definition: “…as opposed to humans.”

We are brought up thinking that dictionaries set the definitions and that what we find in a dictionary is THE definition of a word. We’ve been taught to treat dictionaries as sacrosanct. But excellent lexicographers and dictionaries don’t determine words’ definitions. Humans do. Dictionaries are meant to record current uses of words. Linguist John Algeo taught me that. There’s even one dictionary, Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary of English Usage where word squabbles are recorded. Its tagline: “The complete guide to problems of confused or disputed usage.” In fact, here you learn that one of the most stigmatized words ever in English, “ain’t,” used to be viewed as acceptable, even preferred usage. It ain’t a lie—I did a paper on it in graduate school for John!

Akomolafe was approached by a group campaigning for a new definition of “nature” in our dictionaries, because they had noticed, as he says, “the perceived separateness between humans and nature – especially in the so-called Global North” (LinkedIn, January 23, 2024). Akomolafe argues that this illusion of separateness “has contributed in no small way to the extractive cultures that are folded into the lingering troubles of the Anthropocene.” This group asked him for his own definition, which, he says, “they’d hope might dislodge the centrality of the brutal humanism implied in the official descriptions of ‘nature’.”

Akomolafe offered this definition: “A theoretical, economic, political, and theological designation from the Enlightenment era that attempts to name the material world of trees, ecologies, animals, and general features and products of earth as separate from humans and human society, largely in a bid to position humans as masters over material forces, independent and capable of transforming the world for their exclusive ends.”

His coda? “It’s as far as I could go without waxing poetic about nature as a colonial trope for biopolitical interventions. What felt important to say was that ‘nature’ is a performative, speculative gesture, a ritual of relations that rehearses a dissociation from the world. A subjectivizing force. A lounge in the terminal of the radioactive Human.”

Thank you, Bayo Akomolafe, for this wisdom.

The etymology of eclipse starts looking anthropomorphic.

We no longer have a geocentric model of the cosmos. Isn’t it time we stopped having an anthrocentric model of ‘nature’?