Friends have asked me to record these, so I am. You find them on my YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/c/CarmenAcevedoButcherPresence
You’re invited to subscribe there. I also work full-time teaching in College Writing Programs at UC Berkeley, so often there’s a few days’ wait for the recording. I’m mindful to make these pieces accessible to all, so they’re recorded and captioned.
I hope like me this Saturday morning 9/17/22, you have a day now and then in your life you can get up and not be diligent, productive, and conscientious. You can instead stay in pjs and dressing gown for some hours. Saying “nope” to getting dressed, going out. And just listen to your life. Hair askew. For me that means remembering my childhood joy when recording with a tape recorder and pretending I had a radio show. What brings you joy? I hope you can step back at times and just listen to the genuine in yourself, as Howard Thurman reminds us all.
This piece has a few French words and their definitions in English. When I read it, I omit the French words because I think it gets aurally confusing for listeners. If you want to know what’s happening word-wise in that way, though, simply visit carmenbutcher.com/blog.
Now to the piece itself. “Tumbling.” Subtitled: “Between and Among Life’s Everyday Realities.”
During the pandemic’s first summer and beyond, I translated Brother Lawrence’s Practice of the Presence. My new translation of this spiritual classic offers the complete teachings of Brother Lawrence for the first time to a wide-ranging audience, and it has been praised for its accuracy and inclusive language. Why do you think being mindful of our language use in everyday life is considered by some an essential spiritual practice?
That’s a question I hope readers will ask with me. I ask it daily. For me, everyday use of language is an essential spiritual practice.
Words matter. Mary Oliver says of writing as craft: “As a carpenter can make a gibbet as well as an altar, a writer can describe the world as trivial or exquisite, as material or as idea, as senseless or as purposeful. Words are wood” (Winter Hours). Baked into some religious writing and translating, regardless of the original’s mystical beyond-binary perspective, a rigid binary of sinner-saint, bad-good, evil-virtuous, devil-angel, wrong-right, woman-man, and others can fabricate a hierarchical world where someone is up and someone is down, someone is in and someone is out, some of us are “us” and some of us are “them.” But as Lucille Clifton reminds all of us in her poem, “All of Us Are All of Us”: “oh all of us are / all of us and / this is a poem about / Love” (The Collected Poems of Lucille Clifton 1965-2010).
Reflecting on the friar’s graceful, grounded use of words, we remember he had no chance for a formal education and lived over forty years with a disability causing him to limp and experience constant pain. His language in my translation grounds us in love awareness, as the original language does, and reading him mimics meditation, and is itself an act of meditation, as with the Cloud of Unknowing.
Reading the friar’s organic teaching in the original Early Modern French feels like drops of dew sparkling in the sunlight on the web of wisdom. It’s an awakening experience of reflecting on the friar’s graceful, grounded, loving use of words. Their histories or etymologies affirm his kind, beyond-binary wisdom. In his emphasis on and repetition of amour,for example, he brings to mind fourteenth-century English mystic Julian of Norwich. I call him the “friar of amour.” And also, sometimes, Nic, in my mind, from his first name, Nicolas Herman.
Brother Lawrence’s intentional use of two French verbs—manqué (“fallen short”) and “tomber” (“stumble”)—teaches how we cause harm to ourselves and others, and can heal from this in the liminal loving spaciousness created by practicing the presence prayer. In a conversation the friar tells Joseph: “When I know I’ve fallen short (manqué) or been distracted, I accept it, saying: That’s typical for me. It’s all I can do. If I have not disappointed or been inattentive, but instead have done well, I thank God for it, and confess that this grace comes from them.” His choice of manqué communicates grace as embodied.
Past translations use a binary term, “failed” for manqué (“fallen short”). In the 1600s manqué is “lacking, missing, inattentive” (“lame”). The accurate “fallen short” shows the friar’s understanding of grace. Also, knowing the word’s history is profoundly illuminating, because manqué is from the Latin mancus “maimed,” as Brother Lawrence was by war.
In Letter 2 the friar uses another verb of embodiment, tomber (“to tumble”), to describe his earliest difficulties with his monkey mind and the presence prayer: “During this period Ioften fell (je tombais-I fell), but I got back up immediately.” His nondualistic eye also shows when he repeats this verb in describing to Joseph his earliest difficulties at the monastery in Paris when he regularly spent the entire time set aside for mental prayer “rejecting thoughts and then tumbling back (retomber) into these same thoughts” (“Second Conversation”).
The friar’s nondualistic view of “sin” is also crucial to understanding his beyond-binary mindset-heartset-soulset-selfset. He doesn’t see sin as a permanent or underlying badness of self, nor as a persistent consequence of something some have named “original sin.” The friar’s internal compass is set on “original blessing” instead, on God’s kindness and goodness and on the kindness and goodness of each person and of all of creation. Just once he calls himself pécheur “sinner,” from Old French pécher. In that one rare time, we are also reminded that pécher is from Latin peccāre / peccō “I walk, fall, stumble” from *ped- “foot.” So even pécheur sees that he is writing of his stumbling, doing acts of harm/péchés, and then he writes of asking forgiveness of Love and of atoning, changing, to become one of “the wisest lovers of God.”
The friar’s somatic wakefulness also shows in his use of grounded verbs like “tenir” “hold” and “attention” (“stretch toward”) Love. These show he integrated the presence prayer with his job as cook—making soup, peeling potatoes—which was work he detested (had an aversion to), and with his job as sandal maker—repairing some 100 pairs of his brothers’ sandals: “I fill myself up/m’occupe only with always holding/tenir myself in that holy presence, where I hold myself/me tiens through a simple stretching toward/attention Love and through a general and loving/amoureux looking again/regard at God.”
The friar’s vocabulary is kind also in using words like “friend” / ami for God and telling us to “work gently” / travailler doucement where the root of ami is “love” and the root of doucement is “sweet.”
The friar’s kind vocabulary also imagines the relationship between humans and divinity in beyond-binary terms like reduce/réduit, a being “lead back,” the act of “returning” to Love, as conversation/entretien, “a stretching between two or more people” with Love, as contentment/“a stretching together” in Love, as being distracted/“pulled away” from Love, as perfecting Love/“doing acts of love thoroughly,” as respecting God/“looking at again,” as being absent/“away from” Love, and as knowing Love’s presence/“being right in front of.”
When you get into the weeds of Brother Lawrence’s words, you see why, as his good friend Joseph of Beaufort said in his eulogy for his friend (Last Words): “The more hopeless things seemed to him, the more he hoped”:
From this living faith came [Brother Lawrence’s] certain hope in God’s kindness, his childlike trust in God’s providence, and his total and all-embracing self-surrender into God’s hands. He did not even worry what would become of him after his death, something we will see in more detail when we consider his attitude and the feelings he experienced during his last illness. During the greater part of his life, he was not content with basing his salvation passively on the power of God’s grace and the worth of Jesus of Nazareth. Instead, he forgot himself and all his own interests, and in the Prophet’s words, he threw himself headlong into the arms of infinite mercy. The more hopeless things seemed to him, the more he hoped. He was like a rock that when beaten by the waves of the sea becomes a stronger refuge in the middle of the storm.
To learn more about my new translation, see the homepage (https://www.carmenbutcher.com/) and the books page of my website (https://www.carmenbutcher.com/books.html) for how to order it.